Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
