....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
