I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
