Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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