I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
