i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
