I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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