I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
