When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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