Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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