im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
