If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
