Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to calm my uterus...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
