Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
