Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
