I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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