I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
