OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
