sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
