but the lizard people decide everything anyway
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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