I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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