one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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