i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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