Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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