Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
