a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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