im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize