my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
