you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
