does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
