So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
