i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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