could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
