we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
