she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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