1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
