boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
pray to the hookup gods
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
