youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
