His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
