I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
