just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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