I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never underestimate the power of titties
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
