So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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