Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Be still, my beating vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
