That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
