Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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