I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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