haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i would punch a child for taco bell
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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