Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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