im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
