I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
