So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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