Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize