i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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