Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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