For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We talked him into tasing himself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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