Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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