The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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