if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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