Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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