We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
