i was born a porn star she said
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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