i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
