it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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