I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize