Apparently you make a good broom.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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