Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
