When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
