Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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