I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
